As a reader on my blog all you really get to read is the parts of my life that I want you to read and hear about. If I don’t want to tell you something then I don’t have to share it with you, what I post is my decision, which is why I put a lot of thought into this one.
As a regular reader you probably know that Wednesday’s are normally days I share something positive that made me happy over the last seven days. You’ll know I’m generally an upbeat happy person but some days I’m not happy or upbeat. I have days where I feel like crap and I didn’t know if that was something I wanted to share at first but my life is messy and I’m a mess and I like that. I’m not perfect and I’m not always happy so why should I hide that? Life happens to everyone and the reason behind this blog was to share my messy life.
This past week has been a pretty bad one full of stress and wondering about what the future really holds for me. I tend to add extra pressure to myself which is never a good thing. It makes me more scared about things and it’s pressure that’s not needed. I had a university exam resit which I’ve mentioned several times. I failed my biology exam and as annoyed as I am that I failed I realised that failure is a part of life and you have to take that in your stride and if you get the chance to fix it then do it. I got my chance but I’m doubtful that I actually fixed anything.
This week I got the chance to think about what the future holds for me a lot. Don’t get me wrong the future is something I’m always thinking about but this week it seemed on my mind more than anything. I think the thought that this exam could change how things turn out for my future hit me harder than I had expected. I’ve been crying a lot and I’ve generally spent the past few days feeling utterly crap and down and just generally not myself. Today I woke up feeling a lot better and I felt myself again. Sure I’m still worried but I woke up with a smile on my face and that fear of what the next few years hold wasn’t as strong as it’s been and that’s all down to a pretty amazing friend, Cara!
We all have days where we don’t feel ourself’s and that’s okay because it’s normal not to be happy and smiling all the time. We have emotions and we’re supposed to use them. If we only felt one our whole lives we wouldn’t be us and that’s a particularly scary thought! The future is going to happen whether I pass my resit or not. The future will still go on and so will I. Maybe my future doesn’t have me graduating with a psychology degree (I really hope it does but it might not) that’s okay. Maybe the future has a better plan for me that I’m not aware of yet and maybe it doesn’t but I can say I put everything I have into that resit and if it doesn’t work this time then it wasn’t for lack of trying.
I don’t know what the future has in store for me and I guess that’s probably best because I’m a fan of surprises. However, the future is still going to happen whether I want it to or not so why worry about something that may not even happen? I know this is easier said that done but it’s important to know.
Things are looking brighter and I’m feeling much better. I know this post isn’t what I normally post on a Wednesday but I started writing and the words kind of kept coming. I promise next weeks will be more happy focused.