Hello strangers, I’m back for good this time. It’s very strange sitting in front of my computer and working on something that’s not coursework or writing. Well, I guess this does count as writing but not the kind I’ve spent the last couple of months focusing on. I’ve had quite a few months off from blogging, almost a full year actually. I’ve had some posts sprinkled in-between and false promises of returns. I’m very excited about coming back to weekly updates, posts and good old-fashioned book reviews.
This last year has been one of the craziest, hectic and strangest years of my life. Although there has been a lot of good, wonderful and exciting things wrapped up amongst all the crazy this is a year I’d rather not repeat again. I made a decision to take a step back from certain things in order to find a manageable balance. I took several steps back and kept walking backwards until I found a manageable balance in my work, university and social life. This meant I said goodbye to a lot of things I previously enjoyed, like blogging. Luckily I’ve been maintaining a normal, manageable balance, which means I’m able to pick up these past likes again. So I’m back and it feels good to be back.
What’s happened in the months that I’ve been gone? I this were a movie or a TV show I could quickly flash a scene where the last year of my life flashed on a screen and a narrator quickly filled you in on all the important life events. Try and imagine one of those as I quickly type (and condense) a year worth of activities into a small manageable, hopefully, non-borning, paragraph. To start with I took some time out of everything to just be me, no work, no university, nothing. I found myself (which sounds strange when I’ve always been myself) and learned what it’s like to be in a place you never expected, nor wanted, to be in. I started writing more, writing about everything and anything. I started working on a new story which I have fallen in love with which I hope will be completed by the end of summer – something I’m sure B is very excited about. I re-started my third year of university and now I’m almost finished for the second, and last, time. I’m now a few exams away from being ready for my 4th and last year of my degree – that’s terrifyingly exciting. I’ve read books about anxiety and depression and learned that I’m not the only one experiencing setbacks or crazy thoughts of “you can’t”. I’ve also started focusing on good things more than bad things – ending my day with 3 good things that happened. I already have my three for today. 1) I got out of bed and had a very productive morning. 2) I went a walk with the dog, a long walk, surrounded by nothing but fresh air and peacefulness. It was lovely. 3) I’m already doing better than I was this time last year and if you can’t celebrate that then what can you do? Finally, I found myself a routine that I can do every day without becoming stressed or anxious or worried. I wake up, study, have some me-time, study, make dinner, relax, and re-cap my revision. It’s manageable and I’m coping for the first time in what seems like forever.
Things are looking good and I’m very excited to keep this motivation and good mindset up. I honestly feel like a superhero who can’t be defeated which I know is unrealistic. I know one day something is going to come along and knock me of my feet – that’s a fact of life. Yet, I also know that it’s not going to destroy me or upset the balance I’ve created around myself. To quote my favourite fish I’m going to “just keep swimming, just keep swimming,” because it doesn’t matter how long I swim for – as long as I’m swimming I’m not sinking.