Let’s Talk About… 13 Reasons Why

Netflix finally announced the date that the 13 Reasons Why will debut. I’m very excited for the show to air I was a fan of the book so I’m interested to see how it plays out. If you don’t know what I’m talking about I’ve linked the trailer below. Give it a watch and then scroll down so we can have an in-depth chat.

Okay, I’ll be honest with you. When I found out it was going to be a TV show and not a film I was a little sceptical – I still am. The book wasn’t that long and I always felt that it would transfer better to a film rather than hour episodes. Obviously, I’m waiting to see what happens before I make any judgements but I’m just not sure how it’ll play out. I couldn’t see it being a several season kind of show but we’ll see what happens. I could be wrong, it may transfer better as a TV show.

What I like about the trailer is that it looks like we’re going to see Hannah before rather that just be told the story from after. Of course, I could be wrong and they may just be cleverly doing some of the stories through flashbacks and memories. Although I would love an episode or two with Hannah in it before everything that plays out in the book happens. I think it would be an interesting take on it.

Kate Walsh is my absolute favourite. I loved her in Grey’s Anatomy so I’m very excited to see her in this show. I also like that we’re going to see more of Hannah’s parents after everything plays out. It’s no doubt going to be emotional and make me feel all the feels. While reading the book I loved that there were so many people involved in the build up to Hannah’s death. I loved that you didn’t get to find out the reason why until the same time as Clay. It made more of a mystery and I’m hoping this is something that continues over into the show. So excited for this to be released on Friday. Are you going to be watching 13 Reasons why?

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Monday Music |Heart – Sleeping At Last

I had a very crazy weekend and an even crazier Monday which meant that my Monday post wasn’t prepared in advance. So it’s coming a day late but it’s still here. I’m currently obsessing over this new Sleeping At Last Song, Heart. Sleeping At Last is my go to writing music – from when I’m needing an emotional song or a catchy cover they have everything I need to get me in that creative mood and spin out a couple of thousand words.

Heart, which was released this month, has become one of my favourite songs yet. It’s so beautiful and it’s very soothing. The lyrics are beautiful and I could listen to it for hours without ever tiring of hearing it. I have a long day of studying ahead of me so I’m going to be listening to a few more of their songs while I learn all about the brain. My Tuesday just got very exciting. Do you have a favourite song or cover from Sleeping At Last?

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Friday Favourites | Reasons To Stay Alive

Today I thought I’d try something a little different than a book review. While I have already reviewed this incredible book by Matt Haig (which you can find here), I thought today I’d just simply talk about it. Share my endless reasons for loving this book so much. Everyone has a favourite book and I love hearing about why someone adores a book so deeply. This is my take on one of those – hopefully, it’s not filled with rambles.

This book, honestly and truthfully, changed my life. I don’t think there are many books out there that you can say that about. I picked this book up hoping to find a better understanding of what I was going through and I left having a new favourite book and one I continue to look back at even now. The only way I can think to explain just how much this book means to me is this: have you ever read a book you’ve loved or become obsessed with a TV show so much that you don’t know how you went so long without having it in your life? That’s sort of how I feel about this book.

Just in case you’ve never heard of this book and you’re not sure what it’s about I’ll quickly fill you in. The book is simply Reasons To Stay Alive. It’s a book written from Matt’s own experience with depression and anxiety. He talks about how he felt when he was at his lowest point, how he managed to overcome the unknown and how he’s still standing today. The book is a really great read whether you have a mental illness or not. It’s very dark and eye-opening but also full of joy. I realised from reading the book that I wasn’t so different and alone like I believed I was for so long.

I continue to read this book to this day. For example, I had a panic attack the other night over lost keys and fears of the unknown. I picked up the book and had a read and it sort of brought me back to reality. Anxiety attacks are a part of who I am now but they don’t control my life. I control my life – a very important lesson. What I love most about this book is that you don’t have to read it from start to end, you don’t need to follow chapters, you can simply pick up wherever. This is really good for when you can’t quite concentrate on anything or you just need words that show you’re going to be okay. Don’t get me wrong, I love a good plot filled with twists but sometimes I need something light-hearted I can pick up and put back down just as quick. This falls into one one of those books which is why it tops my absolute favourites list. (This is a list I keep for my most favourite books. It’s not easy to get on the list but when you’re there you’re not coming off).

One of my favourite things about this book is that he includes a list of famous people who have openly admitted to struggling with depression. This might not seem like the biggest of deals but to me it was. I hadn’t even known that half of them had problems. As crazy as this might sound, seeing so many people openly admit and talk about their mental health makes you realise just how alone you’re not. This was something that became my rock to anchor me in finding my balance again. It was lovely. I also love just how open Matt is in explaining everything, from the beginning of it all happening, from his near suicide attempt and to overcoming the unthinkable and moving forward.

I realise this book won’t be everyone’s cup of tea. Not many people want to read about mental illness in detail and that’s fine. I do understand that the reason I’m probably so attached to this book is because I can relate to it personally – not many people can say that when reading a book. I will say this; reading a book won’t destroy the stigma people with a mental health issue face but I think if enough people read it there would be a lot more understanding people. Lastly, before I bore you all to death, here’s a quote from the book that I turn to when I’m having a bad day:

“You will one-day experience joy that matches this pain. You will cry euphoric tears at the Beach Boys, you will stare down at a baby’s face as she lies asleep in your lap, you will make great friends, you will eat delicious foods you haven’t tried yet, you will be able to look at a view from a high place and not assess the likelihood of dying from falling. There are books you haven’t read yet that will enrich you, films you will watch while eating extra-large buckets of popcorn, and you will dance and laugh and have sex and go for runs by the river and have late-night conversations and laugh until it hurts. Life is waiting for you. You might be stuck here for a while, but the world isn’t going anywhere. Hang on in there if you can. Life is always worth it.”


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Let’s Talk About… Moving Forward

Hello strangers, I’m back for good this time. It’s very strange sitting in front of my computer and working on something that’s not coursework or writing. Well, I guess this does count as writing but not the kind I’ve spent the last couple of months focusing on. I’ve had quite a few months off from blogging, almost a full year actually. I’ve had some posts sprinkled in-between and false promises of returns. I’m very excited about coming back to weekly updates, posts and good old-fashioned book reviews.

This last year has been one of the craziest, hectic and strangest years of my life. Although there has been a lot of good, wonderful and exciting things wrapped up amongst all the crazy this is a year I’d rather not repeat again. I made a decision to take a step back from certain things in order to find a manageable balance. I took several steps back and kept walking backwards until I found a manageable balance in my work, university and social life. This meant I said goodbye to a lot of things I previously enjoyed, like blogging. Luckily I’ve been maintaining a normal, manageable balance, which means I’m able to pick up these past likes again. So I’m back and it feels good to be back.

What’s happened in the months that I’ve been gone? I this were a movie or a TV show I could quickly flash a scene where the last year of my life flashed on a screen and a narrator quickly filled you in on all the important life events. Try and imagine one of those as I quickly type (and condense) a year worth of activities into a small manageable, hopefully, non-borning, paragraph. To start with I took some time out of everything to just be me, no work, no university, nothing. I found myself (which sounds strange when I’ve always been myself) and learned what it’s like to be in a place you never expected, nor wanted, to be in. I started writing more, writing about everything and anything. I started working on a new story which I have fallen in love with which I hope will be completed by the end of summer – something I’m sure B is very excited about. I re-started my third year of university and now I’m almost finished for the second, and last, time. I’m now a few exams away from being ready for my 4th and last year of my degree – that’s terrifyingly exciting. I’ve read books about anxiety and depression and learned that I’m not the only one experiencing setbacks or crazy thoughts of “you can’t”. I’ve also started focusing on good things more than bad things – ending my day with 3 good things that happened. I already have my three for today. 1) I got out of bed and had a very productive morning. 2) I went a walk with the dog, a long walk, surrounded by nothing but fresh air and peacefulness. It was lovely. 3) I’m already doing better than I was this time last year and if you can’t celebrate that then what can you do? Finally, I found myself a routine that I can do every day without becoming stressed or anxious or worried. I wake up, study, have some me-time, study, make dinner, relax, and re-cap my revision. It’s manageable and I’m coping for the first time in what seems like forever.

Things are looking good and I’m very excited to keep this motivation and good mindset up. I honestly feel like a superhero who can’t be defeated which I know is unrealistic. I know one day something is going to come along and knock me of my feet – that’s a fact of life. Yet, I also know that it’s not going to destroy me or upset the balance I’ve created around myself. To quote my favourite fish I’m going to “just keep swimming, just keep swimming,” because it doesn’t matter how long I swim for – as long as I’m swimming I’m not sinking.

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Monday Music | Supermarket Flowers – Ed Sheeran

Hello, for the second time this year I’ve returned from a very long, very unexpected, blogging break. Although can you call it a blogging break if you haven’t really been blogging properly in about a year? Yes, I’ve had posts sprinkled in between but I don’t think that counts. So my very long overdue return has come and I’m quite excited to squeeze blogging back into my weekly routine. I’ll talk about my break and what I’ve been up to on Wednesday’s post – not that it’ll be excited the most fun I have these days is eating ice-cream and binge watching Netflix.

Today, as it’s my first day back blogging, I thought I’d just put an album on shuffle and share the first song that played. I’ve been pretty obsessed with Ed Sheeran’s new album Divide. It was certainly worth the wait and it’s caused me to feel a range of emotions. I don’t think there’s anyone like Ed out there at the moment which makes him greater. If you’re lucky enough to go see him this year I kind of hate you. Wasn’t expecting this to be the first song that played this morning so I’m currently having a small emotional breakdown. What’s your favourite song from Divide?

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Let’s Talk About… ???

I have no idea what to call this post. In fact, I have no idea what this post is even going to be about. I just opened this up and decided to just start writing. Do you ever get those days where getting out of bed and facing the world seems like the hardest thing you’ll ever have to do? I’m currently having one of those weeks.

I forced myself to go to university on Monday despite everything in my head screaming at me to stay in bed. I forced myself to go to work and my afternoon appointment yesterday even though I knew it wouldn’t make me feel any better. Today I caved and decided I’d spend the day in bed, sleeping, pretending to watch TV and eating everything because I’m stressed and worried and scared. I thought it would make me feel better but it turns out it’s only made me feel worse. In fact, now that I haven’t moved all day I don’t know how I’m going to convince myself that facing tomorrow will be any better.

I’m having a down moment which comes around every now and again. It’s part of my depression and my anxiety but it’s hard to accept. I don’t want to spend days stuck in bed doing nothing or crying because I don’t want to go to work or university. I don’t want stare at my ceiling only to find I’ve wasted days doing nothing. I want to find the energy to get up and face the day and tell my anxiety to shut up but I don’t know how to do that. I’m trying really hard but I’m struggling to move past this current downer.

This time last week I found out I failed all of my exams for the second year in a row. That’s pretty disheartening when you know you did your best and studied so hard. People tell you hard work reaps rewards but I didn’t get the rewards for my hard work. Instead, I got an email from a lecturer emphasising his disappointment at our lack of hard work and enthusiasm throughout the year. Now I’m stuck at a crossroad trying to figure out my next move. There are cars behind me beeping and shouting at me to move forward but I can’t. I’ve tried turning up the music to block it all out but I can still hear it if I concentrate really hard. I want to move the car forward, even if only slowly at first, and continue because I know it’s what I have to do. Yet I’m scared that if I move forward too fast I’ll hit another crossroad.

Instead, despite knowing I will regret it later, I’ve pulled myself away from university to take some me time. My education is very important to me. I want that degree more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life but right now my health is more important to me. I’m struggling but there is one key thing I am shouting to remember – this time last year I could tell that I needed space. Instead, I just kept pushing forward until I broke. This year I’m not going to break. I feel rubbish, numb, worthless, stupid, angry, mad, anxious, fearful, terrified, confused and a thousand other emotions that I don’t even know how to express. But I’m slowly moving forward and that’s okay. I’m going to be okay. Even if it takes me another three weeks, I will be okay.

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